


it's war outside these walls

by orphan_account



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Trans Character, Trans Enjolras, lil baby fic abt enj, love my boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: an interlude; in which enjolras cuts off his hair.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so! this is a fic about enjolras cutting off his hair at age 18. also jehan is mentioned and i love her, my trans daughter. i also literally made the playlist enjolras is listening to in here bc im a nerd.
> 
> also idk if anyone is actually going to talk to me abt this, but there's this moment where enj is like 'he wonders if his hair will expand' i just want to say this has actually happened to me once i cut my hair shoulder length without putting it in layers and it basically expanded 8th grade was hell for my selfies lmfao
> 
> anyway u can find me @darkroomjason on twitter *heart emojis*
> 
> title taken from borderline (an ode to self care) by solange

There’s music playing softly- a playlist he made for this specific occasion, Regina Spektor mixing with Chance with Elton John with Solange- and he’s sitting on the bathroom floor of his dorm room. A pair of scissors sits innocuously next to him, and the door is locked. Enjolras lets out a soft sigh, and gets up.

He whispers to himself, “Okay, it’s time to start your fucking life, right? Right.” Enjolras stares at himself for a moment in the mirror, and wonders if he should wait, should book an appointment at the barber. He shakes his head- _fuck_ no. He wasn’t waiting after 18 goddamn years of long hair.

"Okay, okay, okay, you've got this. Okay? You've got this." He repeats it to himself, and maybe at one point he repeats his name- his _real_ name, not his fucking birth name- to make sure he won't forget it. Maybe he's just a little terrified.

 

Maybe he’s a lot terrified.

He lets the playlist wash over him, Elton John's soft crooning calming him down. Enjolras- Enjolras, Enjolras, _Enjolras_ \- picks up the scissors, considering how to do this. He’s got wild curls, long dyed blonde locks he’s often gotten disparaging remarks about. He wonders if, without the ability to frizz up and out along a lock of hair, it’ll just… expand. Enjolras snorts at the idea of having Hermione-esque hair, before taking in a deep breath.

His hand shakes as he brings up the pair of scissors, and in one fatal swoop, his hair comes falling to the ground. Enjolras looks up at the mirror, instead of down at the floor where wisps of hair lie around him. He feels lighter, freer. It’s just hair, but it feels like there’s a huge weight off his chest. Huh. It’s odd, looking at himself like this. Gold curls no longer frame his face, complementing his brown skin, and he admits to himself that it isn’t the cleanest haircut, but it got the job done. He snips off a few strands that are still there, and cleans up the hair.

He lies there for a while, among the soft music and strands of hair, under the dying light of sunset. He’s terrified of leaving the room, into a world where he still hasn’t come out, where he’s not Leo yet, and where he still looks like a girl. But he gets his legs to work at some point, and stands up.

He takes another breath, trying to calm his racing heart, before walking out of the bathroom. Combeferre is sitting on the couch, and turns at the sound of the door opening. He lets out a soft, “Oh, _Gabri_ -” but stops when he sees Enjolras shake his head no.

“Leo.” Enjolras says. And that’s that.

“Jehan’s going to hate that you didn’t come to her first, you know. She could give you a wicked cut.” Combeferre says, a little while later, while he strokes Enjolras’ head which is pillowed on his chest.

“I know. I might take her up on it, actually. And go back to my natural hair color. Could be a nice change.” Enjolras replies. He mumbles out a tiny “Thanks,” afterwards, and lets himself ignore his head yelling about the others’ reactions. He lets himself _breathe_ for once.


End file.
